Whether the death of a loved one is sudden or expected, it can leave us feeling confused, scared, and alone in our pain. The process of grieving is complex and deeply personal. It often takes time to move through the different stages of grief before we come out on the other side with some level of acceptance and peace.

It's important to remember that there's no 'right way' to grieve – everyone will experience their unique journey when dealing with a significant loss. However, understanding more about grief and loss can help you find ways to cope with your feelings during this challenging time.

Understanding Grief and Loss

Many of us have experienced grief and loss, but it's important to remember that everyone has a unique experience. Grief is a natural reaction to the passing of someone we were close to or shared a deep connection with. It can be intense and very painful and include other emotions such as guilt, regret, anger, shock, and confusion.

Grief can also leave us feeling disoriented, lost, and lonely. It's a process that takes time, and while there is no 'right way' to grieve, it's essential to be gentle with ourselves along the journey.

The Stages of Grieving

The grieving process can be divided into five main stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages occur in no particular order, as grief is experienced differently by everyone. Stages also can be returned to throughout the grieving process.

• Denial: Denial marks a period of shock and disbelief. In this stage, we can't believe what has happened and refuse to accept reality as it stands. Oftentimes there is an instinctive need to protect ourselves from the effects of these intense emotions, leading to a widespread denial of the situation and its consequences. With no clear frame of reference within which to process our emotions, it can be difficult—and even debilitating—to move forward with our lives in the wake of a sudden tragedy or loss. If this is the first form of grief you experience, it is important to take time to embrace any necessary self-care opportunities that may arise.

• Anger: This commonly comes from feeling helpless or out of control in the face of such a sudden loss. People may become irritable and lash out at those around them in an effort to regain some sense of control over what has happened, even if it is only temporarily. This stage of grief should not be underestimated as it can be highly destabilizing for both individuals and relationships if left unchecked. Seeking out grief counseling or grief therapy to deal with feelings of grief and anger may prove very beneficial in mentally and emotionally regaining equilibrium.

• Bargaining: Bargaining is an often misunderstood stage of grief. It is more than just making a deal or attempting to find a way out of a difficult situation. It is an attempt for a sense of control and is frequently characterized by a wish, hope, or even prayer for something better. Often those experiencing this stage will make promises to themselves that they know won't be fulfilled. They may promise anything from prayers to donations and even extreme lifestyle changes if God would just remove the pain they feel. Acknowledging this stage in the grieving process can help one cope better with their loss and move closer toward healing in the long run.

• Depression: Depression is one of the most painful and difficult stages to process. It is an understanding that the loss is real and that there is no way not to feel the pain it brings. It may include hopelessness, helplessness, guilt, regret, deep sadness and emptiness. While depression can be a difficult stage, embracing the associated emotions is crucial and not trying to ignore or repress them.

• Acceptance: At this point, we acknowledge the reality of our loss and come to terms with its implications. We begin to accept that life will continue despite what has happened and look for ways to move forward. We can start to process the memories and experiences associated with our loss, allowing us to grow from it rather than be held back by it. Though the pain of grief may never truly go away, we can learn how to live with it more healthily and come out on the other side stronger than before. While there is no definitive timeline for this stage, it is often a necessary part of the healing process. The grieving process is unique to each individual and no two people will experience it in exactly the same way.

How to Cope with Loss

Coping with loss can be one of the most difficult challenges we face in life. Although it's normal to feel a range of emotions in response to a sudden tragedy or loss, there are several steps we can take to work through the grief process and come out stronger on the other side.

Don't Be Afraid to Seek Professional Help

Grief counselors and grief therapists are trained to help individuals through the pain of loss and can provide invaluable support as you work through your emotions. Professional help can offer a safe environment to talk about your feelings, allowing you to process them in a healthy way and gain valuable coping tools. Additionally, therapists can help you navigate through difficult transitions and provide insight into how your grief might be affecting you and your relationships.

Reach Out to Friends and Family

Your friends and family members can be a great source of support as you work through the grief process. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it, whether that means asking for a shoulder to cry on or even just having someone listen while you vent. Having people around who understand and care can help you to feel supported, accepted, and loved.

Engage in Self-Care Practices

Taking care of yourself is an important part of the healing process. Make time for activities that bring joy or relaxation into your life—whether it's taking a walk, reading a book, working on puzzles, listening to music, or anything else that brings you comfort. Additionally, it's important to remain mindful of your physical needs by getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water, and eating well.

Let Yourself Grieve in Your Own Way

Grief looks different for everyone and the process is often unpredictable. Don't feel like you have to fit into someone else's timeline or expectations of how you should be feeling. Allow yourself the time and space to express your emotions in whatever way is best for you, without judgment or comparison. Take as much time as necessary and be kind to yourself as you work through the healing process.

About Us

Groundwork Therapy in Brooklyn, NY is a team of certified therapists providing therapy to adolescents, adults, and couples. If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time and would benefit from professional help, please reach out to us. We welcome individuals of all genders, sexual orientations, and cultural backgrounds. Our team is committed to providing a safe and welcoming environment for people to explore their emotions and work towards personal growth. Reach out today if you need support navigating through a loss or trying times. We're here to help.