People generally agree that anything worth having long-term requires ongoing maintenance.  For example, when you purchase a home, you do so with the understanding that one day you might need to repair the roof, that the interior design will grow with your aesthetic and change over time, and that you will generally always be working on something.  We are constantly weighing the decision of whether to continue investing in something or whether it’s time to move on.  Relationships are no different.

About 45% of first marriages and 60% of second marriages end in divorce. Today, couples are spending more time together than ever before while the struggle to deal with the fall of the COVID-19 pandemic adds a new layer of complexity to maintaining relationships.  The result?  In the United States, online self-help divorce agreements sales rose by 34% and many law firms are reporting that requests to start divorce proceedings are increased by up to 35% in spring of 2020 as compared to the previous year.  

The reason for divorce will vary from couple to couple.  But what is it about the 55% of first marriages and 40% of second marriages that make them survive the test of time?  For many couples, seeking marriage counseling before a problem exists or at the first sign of something being off is the difference between which statistic your relationship falls into.  

How do you know when to get marriage counseling?  Some of the signs are less obvious than others.  Here are five indicators that it may be time to seek marriage counseling.   

1. When a Couple Becomes Indifferent
   
   If your significant other begins to feel more like a roommate than a spouse, this may signify a need for counseling.  Indifference can be the result of unresolved issues and even a lack of a desire to solve them.  This can lead to a troubling absence of meaningful connection, conversation and intimacy.  If a couple feels more like they are co-existing, or simply occupying the same space, then a therapist may be able to help them discover a way to get back to each other.
   

2. When Communication has Become Negative
   
   On the polar opposite end of indifference is a surplus of negative communication.  Whether the negativity is stemmed from an ongoing issue, or you have so much built-up tension that everything your partner does annoys you, constant fighting can lead to a severe breakdown.  When repeated dysfunctional interactions leave partners feeling depressed, unimportant, disregarded, insecure, and/or indifferent, it is time to seek professional support. A marriage therapist will help you and your partner learn how to have more productive conversations.
   
   

3. When Dishonesty, Secrets, or Lies Exist
   
   Lying about something of significance is a sure sign that it’s time to seek counseling in your relationship. If you are lying, then you likely no longer trust your partner with certain emotions or information, or you have become indifferent to hurting your partner.  The reason why you are lying can convey a larger problem in the relationship.  And of course, if your partner is dishonest about where they are, who they’re with, finances, or anything of significance, that can create a severe trust issue.  With the help of a skilled therapist, couples can address dishonesty and work toward more transparent and truthful communication.
   
   

4. When One or Both Partners Have Considered (or Entered) into an Affair
   
   Infidelity can be one of the toughest dishonesties to recover from.  It will require a lot of work and commitment from both people in the relationship.  An expert therapist can help you identify where the breakdown in the marriage occurred that led to the infidelity.  Some of the most common causes include emotional deficits, lack of sex, absence of communication and loneliness. If both partners are committed to the process and are willing to forgive and move forward, a therapist can help you explore that path.
   
   

5. When People are Married
   
   The best defense is a good offense.  Relationships are a living, breathing thing and will require life-long attention.  Marriage therapy is most successful when couples enter it proactively.  Whether you start before there are any issues at all, or at the first sign of trouble – having regular counseling from a trained professional can foster healthy communication, deeper connections, and stronger relationships.

If any of these signs applied to your relationship, then don’t wait to seek marriage counseling.  The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to get or keep your marriage on track.  Partners who are open to therapy and change will likely benefit from marriage counseling.  If you’re wondering “does marriage counseling work?”, then give us a call.  We will discuss what to expect from marriage counseling, what the process will be like, and options to get started. 

About Us

The licensed clinical psychologists at Groundwork Therapy have extensive experience providing psychotherapy to adolescents, adults and couples. We welcome individuals of all genders, sexualities and cultural backgrounds. We are located at 1000 Dean St, Suite 226 in the Crown Heights neighborhood of Brooklyn, NY.